This month’s health and lifestyle column from Corinne Yeadon, of the Being Better private therapy practice in Skipton

HALLOWEEN is coming, spooks, spectres and spirits may strike fear into our core but this pales in comparison to not being liked or valued.

For some the need to please others supersedes own needs. It is not unusual to seek the approval of others to a greater or lesser extent, this can be in the workplace or decisions about how we live our lives.

There can be a need to seek validation from certain quarters by modifying behaviour in order to be more likeable and to please. If this is the case, it can help to question the nature and dynamic of the relationship and consider, is it harmful or helpful?

We all have roles and interact according to social norms and in different settings, which is to be expected. It can become problematic when compromising ourselves to the point of compliance, which although coming from a well intentioned place isn’t always helpful. Lack of refusal or assertion skills, an inability to say no or prioritise oneself can lead to feelings of resentment, overwhelm or loss of uniqueness. It is unrealistic to strive to please everyone and has the ability to tie us in knots too.

We all respond to praise, while we may be of the mind we possess positive self worth, validation from others is precious and instrumental in building self belief and confidence. Bake off is a prime example, in the tent there appears to be more value in a Paul Hollywood handshake than the coveted Star Baker title.

We are pack animals and revel in positive reinforcement. We are not always able to recognise or verbalise our positive qualities, which is a step to building self confidence but are not shy about expressing our flaws. Equally there can be discomfort in accepting compliments, a simple thank you will suffice but it takes practice to avoid unleashing our inner critic.

Modelling and practising genuine positive regard and reinforcement towards others not only has the power to promote positive behavioural change but makes us feel good. Expressing gratitude to others daily, praising people for who they are as well as what they do, smiling at passers-by brings a bit of light to the darkest of days, not just for them but for us too.